I still haven’t met a single person, who consciously has made a decision to be a failure, not a single person has made a plan from his childhood to be a loser. It is natural to strive, fight, aim and rush towards a goal. Even the most broken people in our society, when asked about his dreams can produce a single dignified and worthy objective he/she wanted to be and to achieve. We all want to be successful, to be fruitful, to live an abundant and exciting life. However, when asked about success and that desired life, we often get lost in the definitions. What is measure of success then?
Admittedly, we live in the times when the measure of success is very messed up. The social media, educational institutions, marketing and advertisements portray success in a very mercantile manner. The materialistic, possessive mode of existence dominating the modern society expressed in a condensed ‘Career-Stuff&Travel’ model lays at the foundation of the success assessment. This mindset prioritizes acquisition and consumption over the more meaningful way of living. Yet, due to its immediate visibility, ‘Career-Stuff&Travel’ has undeniable argumentative power – you either have it or not. If you have it, show it; if you don’t – shush! Any attempt to challenge the status quo meets the opposition commonly expressed as: “You say so because you are poor” or “Oh, if you are so smart, why are you so poor?”
Two centuries ago Talleyrand, French statesman, has given rather exhaustive and concise argumentation against the absurdity of the claim. He said:
To make a lot of money, you do not have to be smart, but need to lack conscience (Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord).
However, the sense of superiority and self-justification are too hard to set aside. The strong mythology of materialistic success as expression of the inner riches appeals to the deepest needs of a human soul blinding one’s mind with its charm just as it was with the King Theoden from ‘The Lord of the Rings’ under the spell of Grima.
Talking of the measure of success, E. Fromm has written a book on this matter “To have or to be”. The modus operandi presented above fits within the description of ‘having’ mode perfectly – acquisition and consumption over genuine human fulfillment. Fromm contrasts the ‘having’ with ‘being’ mode, which emphasizes creativity, love, and authentic self-expression. According to Fromm, the ‘having’ mode leads to alienation, emptiness, and environmental destruction, which is evident without any effort in the surrounding environment, while ‘being’ mode fosters meaningful connections, personal growth, and harmonious relationship with the world.
The book gives quite a good perspective on the origin and reasons for someone and for a society as a whole to focus on physical expressions of the wealth as a measure of success. These reasons are rooted in historical, economic, psychological and sociocultural factors. But also Fromm gives his perspective on the alternative way of being, both of which I will briefly mention next with freedom to detour from the Fromm arguments, which I encourage to discover for yourself.
- Economic and Structural Factors behind ‘having’
As the underlying fabric of human social interaction in present days, the dominating economic system coupled with technological advances shape the spread of the ‘having’ mindset.
Capitalism and Consumerism. As an economic system, capitalism prioritizes profits, accumulation, and consumption, preconditioning individuals to measure their worth by possessions rather than by who they are. Consumerism perpetuates the idea that happiness comes from material goods, creating a cycle of endless desire. One can easily observe this on any social media platform.
Technology and Availability. The rapid advancement of technology, especially the transit towards use of online service and online platforms, has made consumption easier and more accessible, practically at the distance of a ‘click!’. However, it has also led to overemphasizing on material wealth visibility as the primary measure of progress and success.
- Social and Cultural Factors fostering ‘having’ mindset
The economic system, however, is just the top of the iceberg. The deeper social and cultural factors among which there is the alienation of the members in the modern society, sociocultural conditioning and the erosion of the spiritual and ethical values rest below the surface and collectively drive individuals to seek identity, security, and meaning through material possessions.
Alienation in Modern Society. Drawing on Marx, Fromm suggests that industrialization disconnects people from their work, themselves, and others. Additionally, the alienation leads to a disconnection with the external world – perception of the nature as the means to an end, loss of meaning and purpose. This alienation drives individuals to seek identity and security through possessions, as relationships and activities feel increasingly impersonal and meaningless.
Social and Cultural Conditioning. Society and culture reinforce the “having” mode through advertising, media, and social norms. The spread message is that ‘success can be bought’ and displayed for public admiration as a sign personal achievement. People are taught to equate success, status, and happiness with material wealth, and the competitive nature of modern life encourages accumulation for power and security.
Loss of Spiritual and Ethical Values. Modern life is often compartmentalized into separate spheres – work, family, leisure, religion – that lack integration or coherence. The prevailing influence decline of traditional religious and ethical frameworks has left a void in the inner self of the contemporary man, which materialism and consumerism attempt to fill. Without the transcendent reference points, individuals turn to materials possessions as a source of meaning and identity. But this reliance on external objects fails to provide lasting fulfillment, leading to a cycle of endless consumption, which plays in the interests of the limited groups in a society, which benefit from such counterproductive pattern. Without a deeper sense of purpose or connection to something greater, people turn to possessions for meaning.
- Psychological and Existential Drivers for ‘having’
The inner drives of individuals are significantly affected by the surrounding environment and the messages that are fed on the daily basis. Stemming from the dominating ideological environment expressed in social and economic structure with its aggressively communicated messages, coupled with the inability of religious institutions to provide an alternative exciting vision of the future and encouraging meanings, all that an individual ends up with is the cold realization of the boundedness of one’s life time awakening the sense of mortality and fear of missing out. These demons are hard to numb and temper, but at least for a short time their low frequency voices can be suppressed with the physical or experiential ‘having’.
Fear of Insecurity and Death. The focus on “having” stems from a deep-seated fear of insecurity and mortality, which no one can escape even by means of rationalization. Possessions provide a false sense of permanence and control in an uncertain world, offering an illusion of stability and immortality. The idea that I can leave something behind, something that transcends my existence, something that can show that my life matters translates in its easiest expression form as a house, medal of honor, big library or a collection.
Ego-Centric Individualism. Modern societies prioritize individualism and self-interest. Capitalism as a system is built on the premise of self-interest of the individual/entrepreneur/capitalist. Nationalism is another emanation of individualism built on the premise of the supremacy of the national interests of a national group. The ego-centric orientation fosters a mindset where personal gain and ownership are seen as primary goals, overshadowing communal and spiritual values whether on individual or national level. Evidently, the orientation on what one has distorts human relationships, stifles creativity, and undermines the potential for a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Here is a good set of questions to challenge “having” mode of living: how much is enough. How much is enough for me, as an individual? How much is enough for a society? A nation? How much is enough for humanity? We live in a rush-mode never clearly defining these dimension, which leaves the locus of control somewhere outside.
Focus on “being” rather than “having”
Fromm advocates for a shift toward the “being” mode, which prioritizes personal growth, love, and authentic connections over accumulation and consumption. Shifting from a having mindset to a being mindset involves a fundamental change in one’s orientation towards oneself and the world, moving from a focus on possession to one of aliveness and genuine relatedness. This involves a shift in fundamental values, a change in mindset leading to a change in character structure and a conscious effort to prioritize being over having. Here are some key aspects and steps involved in this shift:
- Recognizing the limitations and potential harm of the having mode: The having mode is characterized by the desire to possess and control. It can lead to alienation and obstruct self-realization. It can also create anxiety and insecurity due to the fear of losing what one has. Becoming aware of this ill-being is the first step towards change.
- Letting go of having addiction: The willingness to relinquish all forms of having to fully embrace being is another important aspect of changing towards living one’s life by being. This seems easy especially for someone young, idealistic and without access to the pleasures of having. However, a mindset that considers things as just tools without an attribution of some sacral, transcendent meaning (for example, is a car just a means of transport or an expression of personality, status, achievement; is a position in a social network an attribution of an individual value and a measure for success or an access to the place of service) is surprisingly liberating and releasing. Still there is a trap with such freedom: nothing tolerates emptiness. Once a person frees himself of the ownership of things, the void should be filled with something, preferably, of a higher rank. Unless the void is filled, it is so easy to fall back in the having mode as a familiar mindset. What is worth of using for filling someone’s life? What are the alternative values? These are good questions for a personal reflection.
- Cultivating the inner activity and productivity: The being mode is fundamentally about being active in an inner sense, utilizing one’s human powers productively. This involves expressing one’s faculties, talents, and engaging in activities that foster growth, renewal, and connection. Using Eckhart’s concept of being emphasizes that being means “to go out of oneself” rather than being busy.
- Focusing on the process rather than the outcome: In the being mode, activities like remembering, conversing, learning, and loving are experienced as processes and inner activities rather than as something one possesses. For instance, love is not something one has but a process one engages in. Shifting focus to the active engagement in life rather than the accumulation of things or achievements is crucial.
- Embracing the present moment: The mode of being exists primarily in the here and now, while the mode of having is tied to the past and future. By focusing on the present experience of living, loving, and understanding, one moves away from the preoccupation with acquiring or holding onto things from the past or for the future.
- Developing the will to give and share: The being mode is associated with the desire to give, to share, and even to sacrifice. This contrasts with the acquisitive nature of the having mode. Cultivating generosity and a sense of solidarity can foster a being orientation.
- Seeking genuine relatedness and overcoming egocentricity: The being mode involves an authentic connection to the world and others. This requires letting go of egoboundness and selfishness, making oneself “empty” and “poor” in the sense of not being attached to one’s ego or possessions. True relatedness, based on equality and respect, is a hallmark of the being mode.
- Striving for genuine knowledge and understanding: Knowing in the being mode means penetrating through the surface to grasp the roots of reality, shattering illusions, and actively striving towards truth. This is different from merely possessing information.
- Basing the security and identity on inner being: In the being mode, security and identity come from faith in what one is, one’s capacity for relatedness, love, and solidarity, rather than on possessions and control. This internal locus of security reduces dependence on external factors associated with having.
- Recognize the social influences: Fromm suggests that the dominant mode of a society significantly influences individual mindsets. Shifting to a being mindset may be challenging in a society primarily oriented towards having but recognizing this societal influence can be a catalyst for personal change.
- Embracing change and growth: Being is associated with life, activity, birth, renewal, and the acceptance of process. A shift towards being involves accepting change as inherent to life and focusing on personal growth and the unfolding of one’s potential.
- Developing critical thinking and shedding illusions: The path to being involves disillusionment and a critical examination of socially accepted thought patterns. This allows for a more realistic and less materialistic view of happiness and fulfillment.
This shift is not necessarily about having nothing in a material sense but about a fundamental reorientation of one’s inner attitude and engagement with life. It’s about valuing aliveness, connection, and authentic expression over mere acquisition. This brings us back to the main question: what is the measure of success.